You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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