I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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