I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
