I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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