What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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