i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
