I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
