Where are you?
In a non slutty way
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
