oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
