I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
