I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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