Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
