I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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