And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
