white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
