U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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