Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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