my mouth tastes like poor choices
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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