Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
