Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
