I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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