meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
