please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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