i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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