I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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