Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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