Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
