I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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