i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
