He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
