the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
