did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
