Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
