I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
