I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
