Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
