and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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