i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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