dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
