just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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