Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
