He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
