At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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