dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
