and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
