he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
