I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
