i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
