Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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