YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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