He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
