So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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