Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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