i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
