woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
