I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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