My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
