My liver just broke up with me...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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