i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
