After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
How's work?
Spinning.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
