Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Couch. On fire.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
