I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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