we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
