I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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