hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
