He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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