He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
