so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
