i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Don't EVER smell your tampon
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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