Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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