With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
