Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
