She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just blew my weed a kiss
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
