Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
