Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
