brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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