my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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