your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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