i can't believe i had my finger in that
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
