did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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