I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
