Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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