he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
