8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize