I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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