your room smells of hookers.
And success
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She tied me up with her honor cords...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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