you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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