Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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