You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
