this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
