she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
