Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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