Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
