My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
