I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
