The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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