I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
