I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I understand Curling. That high.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize