my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
