Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
