My hair reeks of homosexuality.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
