I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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