you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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