I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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