Jerry, you need to find god
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize