Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
