This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize