Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
