why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
